Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
DaveHarries

Terrible jokes

Recommended Posts

Hi all,

A couple of jokes I recently heard. Couldn't resist sharing them but they are terrible and I apologise in advance. Anyway, here goes:

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Three cowboys were hanging out in the bunkhouse.

“I know that smart-alec Tex,” said the first. “He’s going to start bragging about that new foreign car he bought as soon as he gets back.”

“Not Tex,” said the second. “He’ll always be just a good ol’ boy. When he walks in, I’m sure all he’ll say is hello.”

“I know Tex better than any of you,” said the third. “He’s so smart, he’ll figure out a way to do both. Here he comes now!”

Tex swung open the bunkhouse door and shouted, “Audi, partners!”

- - - - - - - - - - - -

I was walking past the fridge yesterday, and I thought I heard the onions singing old Bee Gees songs.

I investigated further, and it was just the chives talking.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

*gets coat and departs in a hurry*

Dave

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I heard this one yesterday from a BC Transit bus driver. This fellow used to drive for a charter company, and on one occasion he was down in San Francisco, caught in a maze of one way streets. He could see where he wanted to get to, from where he happened to be, but he didn't know how to get there without risking getting himself hopelessly lost. So he pulled over and asked some guys on the street corner for directions.

Their initial response: "Nobody gets lost in San Francisco."

The driver was a little confused, and tried again, emphasizing the fact that it should be obvious he wasn't a local, given he was driving a Canadian bus with BC license plates, but kept getting that same answer without any further explanation. Eventually, he got fed up, and tried a new tack. "Well, alright then," said he, "why does nobody get lost in San Francisco?"

The response was delivered very promptly, and without any sign of it being a joke. "'Cuz there's AIDS on every corner."

The driver then shut the door and left as fast as he could!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

SEX!!!!!!!

Now that i have your attention heres some half decent & terrible jokes

Robotnik's pingas. If you dont know what or who that is, look on youtube.

Why do guys like stick shift cars?

Cause they love the feel of a big long stick in their hand :) if you know what i mean

Why do women have boobs?

So you got something to look at while you're talkin to them. (taken from family guy)

Do you know why divorces are so expensive?

Because they're worth it!!

What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?

You get a piece of ass that'll bring a tear to your eye

On wheel of fortune some guy had the catagory 'people who annoy you', & the puzzle was n_ggers, everyone was shocked too, he thought he knew is but he knows he shouldnt say it. The host says '5 seconds.', he says 'ok ok, i'd like to solve the puzzle.. NI**ERS!!!!'... But he was wrong. Turns out it was actually 'Naggers'.

I apologize is the last joke was too racist, if the complaints pile up to the admins for that one, i will remove it myself, just pm me with the request.. I'll also replace it with another joke too

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Nothing really racist as such about the last one, but wasn't that part of South Park?

Yes it was, it was on a couple of nights ago.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Why did the gum cross the road?

It was stuck to the chicken's foot.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Nobody knows for sure but it did cross the road.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I heard this one yesterday from a BC Transit bus driver. This fellow used to drive for a charter company, and on one occasion he was down in San Francisco, caught in a maze of one way streets. He could see where he wanted to get to, from where he happened to be, but he didn't know how to get there without risking getting himself hopelessly lost. So he pulled over and asked some guys on the street corner for directions.

Their initial response: "Nobody gets lost in San Francisco."

The driver was a little confused, and tried again, emphasizing the fact that it should be obvious he wasn't a local, given he was driving a Canadian bus with BC license plates, but kept getting that same answer without any further explanation. Eventually, he got fed up, and tried a new tack. "Well, alright then," said he, "why does nobody get lost in San Francisco?"

The response was delivered very promptly, and without any sign of it being a joke. "'Cuz there's AIDS on every corner."

The driver then shut the door and left as fast as he could!

ohhhhh, that one is dirty.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...